Mother and Son Relationships & My cool Artist Son

My Son Luke

5 reasons the mother-son relationship is so important

by Kate Stone Lombardi

For generations, mothers have gotten the same old message when it comes to raising sons: beware of keeping him “too close.” A mom who nurtures a deep emotional bond with her boy will prevent him from growing up to be a strong, independent man. By refusing to cut those apron strings, she is on track to create a wimpy, dependent, maladjusted “mama's boy.” There's just one problem with this theory: it's not true.

In fact, pushing boys to separate prematurely from their mothers and encouraging them to “man up” can be damaging to boys. What's more, there are enormous benefits to a close mother-son bond, starting from the earliest days and continuing into a man's adult years.

1) Baby boys who do not have secure attachments with their mothers go on to have behavioral problems later in life. Studies reveal that boys who do not bond securely with their mothers in the infant years act much more hostile, destructive and aggressive later in life. A close bond with their moms when boys were young helped prevent delinquency when they were older.

2) Boys who are close to their mothers perform better in school. Mothers often nurture emotional intelligence in their sons, teaching them to recognize and express their own feelings and to be more attuned to the feelings of others. These boys not only become more articulate--which helps them with reading and writing skills, but also have better self-control in the classroom.

3) A close mother-son relationship is good for a boy's mental health. A study presented at the American Psychological Association showed that boys who are close to their mothers tend not to buy into hyper-masculine stereotypes. They don't believe, for instance, that you have to always act tough, go it alone or fight to prove your manhood every time you are challenged. These boys remained more emotionally open. Not only did they have better friendships, but also less anxiety and depression than their more macho peers.

4) Teenage boys who are close to their moms engage in less risky behavior. It has long been known that good parent-teen communication can help lesson the influence of negative peer pressure. But new research shows that it is a boy's mother who is the most influential when it comes to her son's decision making about alcohol, drugs and sex. Some researchers speculate that the nature of mother-son communication accounts for the difference: mothers usually don't have one big “drug talk” or “sex talk” but instead tend to weave the topic into other conversations or family activities.

5) Moms who keep their sons close are setting them up for success later in life, both in personal relationships and at work. Because mothers work to teach their sons emotional intelligence (starting from when the days they urge their screaming toddler to “use your words” to when they won't accept their teenage son's grunts as a reasonable response) their sons grow up with the communication skills that they need to navigate adulthood.

Few women still admire “the strong silent type,” let alone a man who expresses his anger by punching a wall. Men who can both listen and articulate their emotions are far more attractive. And of course, sons who grow up respecting and loving their mothers tend to respect and love other women. These same skills will also help them in the work place. In today's economy, brute physical strength and a dominating style is no longer a ticket for success. Rather, men need the ability to work in teams and to have the very communication skills and social intelligence that their mothers have been teaching them all along.

Kate Stone Lombardi is the author of THE MAMA'S BOY MYTH: Why Keeping Our Sons Close Makes Them Stronger. (Avery/Penguin Group USA). A journalist, Ms. Lombardi is the mother of two adult children, a son and a daughter. She lives in New York with her husband, Michael.

LUKE and his proud Mama aka Nanny Jill

 Hawaii with Mom and Dad -

One of our favorite prints

Hari - one of Luke's first Large Format Paintings

Another painting of good old Dad

Age 5

BIG painting that hangs on our kitchen wall

a photo/image that was used on his first band "Pagent s"CD

Painted for a garden show in Sacramento

Grandpa Bo

Swedish inspired painting

Loved this silly robot's  These were fun- silly and I think the start of his love for comics.  He also did drawings of Calvin and Hobs they were self portrait-ish

His 20 something artist work- 

Luke has a great of humor he always has-

A pen and ink drawing - done a G.I. Doctor

                                     Illustrator in him is coming out drawing by drawing

High School painting - Luke does not  really like this one- I really do!

Luke surprised me on mothers day!

One of the best mothers day gifts ever

Luke's first tattoo

More of his muse aka Dad

Siblings

Luke in Norway -  in his heavy metal music stage

Summer Art Program Summer before he graduated

Luke and his older sister Ann Marie

summer 2014

High school graduation